The Byron Brother's Sheep Saga
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My reply to a fic challenge. The requirement was to include the line,
"Sorry, Mate, I'm not going to stick my "fill in the blank" in a sheep."
And no...it is absolutely NOT perverted in any way. I chose the word CANINES and this is a funny, happy, cute fic. NO SMUT or NASTINESS at all!
“Why do I have to go with Spike?” Buffy asked, eyeing the blond vampire with distaste as he flopped into the chair across from Giles. “Giles, I’m the slayer. I can do it without him.”
Giles had known it wouldn’t be easy to convince her to work with Spike but as long as Spike was willing, he felt better with her having company on the mission. Buffy hadn’t been much like herself since the ascension had ended and Angel had departed. Having Spike come back and offer his services time and time again had been odd but very helpful in the long run. “You will go with Spike and that’s the end of the discussion.”
Buffy crossed her arms and tapped a foot. She refused to budge one inch on this one. Every time she worked with Spike she wound up feeling degraded and bad about herself. “I’d rather die.”
“Don’t tempt me.” Spike sneered, firing up a cigarette. “You aren’t exactly my idea of a picnic, you know?”
“I hate you.” She spat at him.
“I hate you more.” He shot back.
Giles looked up at the ceiling and sighed heavily. “You hate each other the same and we discuss it nightly with the same outcome. Can we please get back to the matter at hand?”
“Sorry.” Spike apologized sincerely. “She just really makes me…”
“Sick!” Buffy finished for him. “He makes me sick!”
“One of these days…” Spike began but caught the look on Giles’s face and motioned for him to continue.
Clearing his throat, Giles opened a book and pointed to several different men. “These are the Byron Brothers. They run the carnival that has been set up just on the outskirts of town in the Hallenday lot. Are you both familiar with that area?”
“Sunnydale doesn’t have a lot of area, Giles. I’ve covered every inch on foot.” Buffy still had her arms crossed. “And I don’t need Spike to cover this area with me.”
“Buffy!” Giles slammed the book and glared at her. “I can’t go with you tonight because I promised your mother I would help her uncrate artwork. Xander is working and Willow has gone to Santa Barbara to watch Oz compete in a Battle of Music.”
“Bands.” Buffy corrected.
“Battle of Bands.” He snapped. “These Byron Brothers are a rough lot and you are needed there to make sure they don’t succeed in performing the magic spell they have planned. If we can thwart it this time then they can’t perform it again for at least thirty years, when the youngest brother reaches his prime and…”
“Get on with it, man!” Spike threw his hands in the air. “You know she’s physically incapable of remembering more than her name. Are you trying to make her head explode?”
“Screw you!” Buffy snapped and tried to punch him over the table.
Spike stepped away and chuckled as she fell flat on top of the table, squashing the box of donuts that Giles had brought to sweeten the deal. When she stood up, several particles of the mess fell to the hard wood floor and her boot hit it, making her slide around like she was on ice. She skidded left and right then paused. Thinking that she had regained her footing at last, she let go of the table and glared down at the jelly and cream all over the front of her shirt. The vampire broke into wild applause and she moved to hit him again and slipped completely under the table onto her backside. Spike roared with laughter and said, “Little rough on the landing and the dismount was quite sloppy but I’ll be generous and give her a two because she’s a cutie.”
“Anyway…” Giles quickly continued, acting like nothing had happened and trying not to join Spike in his laughter as Buffy pulled herself to her feet and attempted to look like she hadn’t just rolled all over the room. “All you have to do is prevent them from performing the trick. If it doesn’t go on schedule it can’t be done. There’s only a small window of time when the stars are aligned properly.” He broke into a fit of laughter then, unable to contain it and added, “Buffy, perhaps you should do this trick with the donuts again there. That’s sure to distract people.”
Saying nothing, the Slayer glared at the two men while they both screamed with hysterics. Not smiling and wishing she could smack their heads together, she grabbed her bag and stomped out of the room. She was vaguely aware that Spike was following her because she could still hear his obnoxious giggles. Buffy made it to her house and quickly changed her shirt, wondering if she could sneak past him and get through the night alone.
She tried to do just that by going out her back door instead of the front and sneaking through her neighbor’s backyards. Buffy was halfway through Miss. Monroe’s extensive flower garden when Spike cleared his throat behind her and she turned to face him. “Get lost, Spike.”
“I told Giles I would help you.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her back toward the road. “But I didn’t say a damn thing about running through the jungle here to do it.”
“I was trying to avoid you.” Buffy yanked her arm out of his grip, not liking the fact that he dared touch her or that she liked daring men.
“And here I thought you just wanted to bring me back here with all the pretty flowers to put me in the mood.” He smiled down at her. “Don’t worry, luv. The fact that you breathe puts me in the mood.”
“You are vile and disgusting.” She shoved him out of the way and half jogged to get away from him. When he said things like that it made her think about sex with him and more and more she was liking the thoughts she had. And that made her even more vile and disgusting than he was because her body reacted to those thoughts.
Spike didn’t bother running after he. He let her stay a good twenty feet in front of him and enjoyed the way she walked and the way her scent wafted back to him on the breeze. She was quite a thing of beauty. If she could keep her mouth shut for ten seconds at a time, he might be able to kiss her. No, he’d never kiss her because that would just make him want more and that was never something Ms. Thang would ever do. The little bitch.
They arrived at the carnival and Spike caught up to her in line. She didn’t bother speaking to him and he didn’t bother paying her way in. He broke in front of her, paid for himself and then turned and leered at her as she dug around her pockets for her own money. Once she got inside she said, “You could have paid for me too.”
“That would have been too nice. But since you labeled me as vile and disgusting I will do what I can to represent that title to the best of my abilities.” Spike moved through the crowd, taking in the sights and sounds of the carnival atmosphere.
“You’re such a prick.” Buffy walked beside him. Her eyes wandered over all the couples that were holding hands and hugging and she closed her eyes, wishing she had that.
“Magic tent.” He smiled and pointed at the big tent at the end of the sidewalk they were on. He had also noticed all the couples and had been tempted to take her hand.
Together, they ambled toward the tent and Buffy checked her watch when she saw the schedule. “Damn! What are we supposed to do for an hour?”
He looked over her shoulder and shrugged. “Games, rides and food?”
“You are not eating anyone here!” She snapped angrily wondering why his cheeks had to be so perfect and his eyes had to be so blue.
He stared down at her and started to ask if she knew that she was prettier than any other girl there but he caught himself. “I was thinking more along the lines of a corn dog. But if you really want me to prove that I can eat who I want I’ll start with you. I won’t bite though.”
“God!” She tried to look repulsed and stomped away.
Spike bought several ride tickets from a man on a unicycle before he trotted after her. When he caught up he pulled her hand in his and led her toward the Ferris Wheel. She struggled to yank free but he twined their fingers and grinned devilishly. “Pretend you like me for one hour, baby. Then you can hate me again.”
Rolling her eyes, she stood in line and then let herself be snapped into the seat with him. She didn’t want to notice that he was still hanging onto her hand so she said, “Been to many carnivals?”
He nodded and said, “I’m a big kid at heart.”
“Really?” She tried to look surprised. “You sure wouldn’t be able to tell that by how many people you maim, torture and kill on a weekly basis.”
“Is that your idea of pretending to like me?” His eyes narrowed as he looked across the seat at her. The ride had stopped several times and had finally begun spinning non-stop.
“That was your idea, not mine, and I didn’t agree to participate.” Buffy tugged her hand out of his and leaned over to stare down at the other cars as the Ferris Wheel went faster.
When she leaned, their seat rocked forward and back quickly and Spike tensed, shouting. “Be still, Slayer!”
Buffy grinned and made the seat rock faster. “What’s the matter? You scared? Poor baby!”
“Knock it off!” He wanted to pin her arms somehow but terror had seized him and he couldn’t let go of the front safety bar. “Please, Buffy?”
“Oh, I’m Buffy now? Not Slayer? Not bitch? Not arse? Not airhead.” She rocked as fast as she could. “Is this what I have to do to…”
His hand shot out and gripped her arm. “Please? I apologize.”
The guy running the ride tapped their cart as they came by and shouted, “No rocking.”
“I’ll stop. But only because he told be to. Not because you asked.” Buffy leaned forward again and watched the people mill around below her. “This is fun, isn’t it?”
Spike was too sick at his stomach to reply. The circular motion coupled with his fear of heights and the greater fear that Buffy was daft enough to dump their cart made him miserable. He leaned his head against the side and tried to block out the sound of her voice.
“Are you listening to me or are you going to pout now like the kid at heart you are? You’re so childish sometimes. Who could believe that you’re as older than dirt?” She was still looking at the other sights and didn’t notice how bad her co-rider was looking. “When we get off of this one let’s ride the Rocket.”
The thought of it made him gag and he quickly leaned forward, aiming the bile in his throat over the front of their cart. The couple in the basket in front of them never knew what hit them as every drop of the blood Spike had consumed poured from his body like a flood and splashed them. He heard the girl scream, heard the man swear and then he passed completely out.
“Spike!” Buffy tossed the cold water on his face and shook him again. Two carnies had carried him into the magic tent, which was deserted and stood staring at him . She looked helplessly up at them and shrugged. “Must have been the corndogs?”
“You want us to call an ambulance?” One of them asked.
“No, no.” She shook her head. Buffy knew exactly what he needed. He needed blood. “Could one of you get a soda though? And uhm…leave us alone for a few minutes? I need to give him a shot of…insulin ...yeah..and he..ah…get’s a little bashful.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The two men quickly left and Buffy shook Spike again.
“Bugger off!” He moaned, trying to decide if he was in hell and Buffy was the devil or if he was on earth and Buffy was the devil. Either way she was like a burr up his ass.
She sighed and opened the collar of her shirt. Buffy didn’t know how much blood he’d need to take but she damn sure wouldn’t go out and find some poor soul to feed him. She'd let him feed on her and then stop him before he killed her. At least that was the plan. “You have to eat.”
“I have to die. I’m so dizzy…oh…Slayer…stake me please? This is worse than feeding off a whino. Or the stoners at Woodstock.” Spike could have cried if he had the energy. The whole room was spinning and the fact that SHE was seeing him so pathetic had fatally wounded his pride. He glanced at her and saw her exposed neck. “No! Get away!”
“You have to eat.” Buffy said again, angry at him for being such trouble. “Who else in this world gets sick on a FERRIS WHEEL. You big baby!”
“I’m gonna kill you later.” He sneered. "I feel it building!"
“You can’t even move, asswad.” She was about to lower her neck onto his mouth when she heard a rustling behind her and turned to see what caused it. Relief washed over her as she stood to wrangle Spike’s meal. “Oh! You don’t have to bite me after all.”
“What?” He tried to sit up and watch her as she walked away but he couldn’t get his head off the bench he was sprawled on. “I thought we decided I need to feed right now. Well, you decided but I'll play along now. Just help me. Please?”
Buffy lifted the sheep over the side of the low fence it was behind. She patted it absently on the head and sighed, “Better you than me. Sorry, fella.”
Spike felt her kneel beside him and opened one eye, hoping to see her offering him a nice teenage virgin or even herself again. Instead she rammed a sheep’s ass into his face and waited for him to bite it. “What! "Sorry, Mate, but I'm not gonna stick my canines in a bloody sheep!"
“Do you want me to let you die?” Buffy rammed it toward him again, glad it didn't know that a vampire was about to bite it.
“It’s hairy!” He cried, still not able to move his body, he was only able to turn his head away.
“Sorry, I forgot my Nair!" She clutched the animal’s hind leg and tried to push it into his face. “It helps if you grow your damn fangs.”
“Why do I have to bite it on the ass?” His anger at her brought the demon out. It didn’t come out for the food that was for sure.
“Do you want to bite it on the neck? I was afraid it would try to bite you first.” Buffy watched him for several seconds and then flipped the animal over, shoving it’s neck under his fangs and turning away.
As she had predicted, the sheep bit him on the ear just as he got close and he growled, quickly sinking his teeth into the animal and draining it. When he had finished he tossed it onto the ground and stood on shaking limbs. “Damn you. Make me eat like a pauper. I don’t feed on animals, Slayer!”
“Apparently you aren’t vampire enough to hold down rich blood! So what does it matter?” She started to stalk out of the tent when several men rushed in followed by the carnival workers who had brought Spike in. Buffy recognized them at once as the Byron Brothers and readied herself for a confrontation.
“The sheep!” Called the one in front. “Where is the sheep?”
“No!” Screamed another and raced to kneel before the sheep’s carcass. “Vincenzo! Vinny! You killed him.”
“Oh my God!” Buffy screamed at Spike. “You killed Vinny! You bastard!”
Spike had to laugh out loud and then looked at the other men. “You named your sheep.”
“He is not a sheep you night crawler. He is our brother and tonight we were going to free him from the sheep’s clothing and our power would be infinite.” The fattest Byron boy wailed.
“So, I’m thinking that the magic show has been canceled then?” Buffy stared at the men. “Can I get a refund?”
“You mock our pain.” They all cried together and the fat one added. “The stars would have been right tonight for his evolution and now…we are nothing without him.”
“I’m not going to argue there.” Buffy motioned for Spike to follow her and they left the men inside the tent. By the time they got to back to the carnival entrance half of the rides had been shut down and someone announced that the festivities were closing early that night.
“I can’t believe I ate a sheep.” Spike coughed and ran a hand over his mouth, trying to keep the blood down.
Buffy thought about that for several minutes and said, “Well, you could always just claim you did it to stop the end of the world.”
“I don’t plan on claiming I did it at all.” He growled. “And don’t you even think about telling anyone EVER.”
Giggling, Buffy hefted her bag. “For what it’s worth, this night wasn’t so bad after all.”
He raised an eyebrow and smiled at her. “Ah, you liked pretending that you liked me and spending time with me, didn’t you.”
“Nope.” Buffy stopped walking and turned to face him. “I liked watching you puke your guts up, shoving a sheep’s ass in your face and having you beg me to stake you. Made me feel all manly.”
“Sadist!” He yelled.
“It’s the company I keep.” She skipped ahead of him a few paces, knowing his eyes were following her and basking in the tingly sensation that caused. "I get the last laugh this time!"
He smiled when he was sure she wasn’t going to turn around and catch him. Truth be told, he liked throwing up, asking her to stake him and he didn’t really even care that he had the sheep’s ass in his face. What it all boiled down to was the fact that he had held her hand for a while. Spent time with her.
And he liked that just fine.